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Medicine

by Paul Arend

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1.
Intro 02:58
I try my best to keep my head in honesty and wear my heart out on my sleeve so everybody gets a piece of me but I get tired sometimes I try my best to keep my distance from the dark cause the loss of light makes things feel right things nobody should of ever touched but I get tempted and tried sometimes all I’ve ever wanted was to be someone who wanted what’s right but even good intentions can get twisted by a the pain of living life sometimes
2.
Emma 03:36
I wanna be angry at you but I just can’t follow through I wanna say I don’t miss you but honestly, it’s not true if you weren’t so close to perfect it would be easier to move along but I’m getting this sinking feeling I’m losing more by holding on maybe it’s just bad timing but I don’t know what to do maybe I’m compromising but I’m getting over you I wish I could tell you first hand how much you’ve done for me and though I still don’t understand your feelings are enough for me maybe it’s just bad timing but I don’t know what to do maybe I’m compromising but I’m getting over you maybe I’m moving on to soon but there aren’t so many options left for us maybe I’m getting over you maybe you love me but it’s not enough
3.
such an inspiring turn to a stale dissertation seeing you, meeting you, making a bold invitation small talk and courtesy is where I mainly thrive I do my best to avoid social suicide though clearly you could only improve my reputation sincerely I’m sorry for showing up being so fragile but conversation on the surface is all I can handle accolades, politics, I couldn’t give a rip if you do, it’s okay, I’ll listen anyway truth is I’m happy to sit here and stare as you ramble you are the reincarnation of every part I lost believing for more there’s a condolence in knowing I’m closer than I ever have been before lately I’ve felt tired from seemingly constant rejection but your magnetism’s reversing my current direction you’ve got a lighthearted manner so comforting and such a heavenly face I could be anything, anyone, anytime if I could get you to stay don’t go don’t go don’t go don't go away, away
4.
when I was a boy I made a friend of fear when walls went up my problems seemed to disappear I wasn’t trying to hide anything from anyone I wasn’t trying to hide anything from anyone when I was a boy I picked up disciplines to board up every door that let rejection in I wasn’t trying to hide anything from anyone I wasn’t trying to lie to myself of anyone but it shut me down and it kept me down yeah it shut me down yeah it kept me down when I was a boy I craved stability and sadness never acted unpredictably I wasn’t trying to hide anything from anyone I wasn’t trying to lie to myself or anyone it’s funny all the walls I built that seemed so safe and strong were bitter monuments that kept my heart cold for so long it’s funny thing that pain's no indicator of something wrong maybe improving hurts the same despite it being what you want
5.
I wish you'd get out of my head
6.
Ocean Eyes 06:13
on the first day of high school I saw her on the front row of the freshman choir she had cheeks as red as roses flushed from all the introductions I knew she was what I wanted when she caught me staring with her ocean eyes stormy eyes like the changing tide different every time I met her at my brother’s commencement to the college she later attended she had wounds from bad religion and a face for television but she won my full attention when she turned and struck me with her ocean eyes stormy eyes like the changing tide different every time ocean eyes suddenly, I feel like I'm drowning ocean eyes so beautiful and terrifying in my best friend’s backyard on thanksgiving she made fun of the shoes I was wearing her charisma was refreshing gentle, kind, and so accepting but I saw the end predestined when I realized that she had ocean eyes ocean eyes stormy eyes like the changing tide different every time
7.
Instrumental 01:12
8.
we'd been together for awhile and I was tired all the time back then something about the way you looked at me with those eyes drove me insane wish that I could remember the way I felt when you said my name now you’ve got me thinking about summer nights, summer dreams have to go eventually change your flight, front the fees I’ll answer impartially pack your bags, meet for drinks tell me you feel you’re drowning where was I left to die and where did I go wrong? I never should’ve kept you never ever should’ve let you in but something about your indifferent approach to me felt so defeating wish that I could take back all the times I tried to stop you leaving now I’m trying to forget those summer nights, summer dreams have to go eventually change your flight, front the fees I’ll answer impartially pack your bags, meet for drinks tell me you feel you’re drowning where was I left to die and where did I go wrong? truth is, I’m scared to face the world alone truth is, I'm scared, I'm scared I'm scared to face the world alone truth is, I'm scared, I'm scared I'm scared to face the world alone truth is, I'm scared to face the world alone but it’d be better than with you summer nights, summer dreams have to go eventually change your flight, front the fees I’ll answer impartially pack your bags, meet for drinks tell me you feel you’re drowning where was I left to die and where did I go wrong? where did I go wrong?
9.
10.
Out of Time 01:49
did the cat get your tongue? have you made your decision? do you really not know? or are you scared of letting me go? I didn’t want it to end right now but it’s clear that we’re not working things out and the tears in your eyes are proving my fears - that I'm out of time the romantic side of me would’ve waited a million years for you but the stronger side of me can’t drag my heart through the dirt again and the better part of me would have seen the end suffering for but my own self respect keeps keeping me from what I want from you but I still want you
11.
Am I Wrong? 03:51
there’s got to be a medicine to slow my growing older there’s got to be a method to keep my heart from getting colder there’s got to be a way to keep the barking dogs at bay I’ve got splinters in my fingertips from holding back the gates I’ve got to make a plan because it seems they’re getting stronger there’s got to be a perfect prayer to save a non believer there’s got to be a holy flow to keep my conscious cleaner there’s got to be a secret trick to holding onto innocence regardless of the vicious lips of people sharing loneliness I must resist acquiring their critical demeanor I’ve heard there’s a fountain that never runs dry where the old men can drink from and never will die a wellspring eternal to mend and revive appointed from the heavens by power divine I could be wrong, but then, what if I’m right? if I am, what a plan, what a pleasant surprise a glimmer, a flicker in the darkest of nights maybe hope’s not reserved for elect sanctified just like the preacher pounding the pulpit for so long for so long and he’s bruising his fist am I wrong am I wrong for believing the best? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong? am I wrong?
12.
maybe there’s some interstellar, supersonic intergalactic entity up above and he’s biding his time, to make it all right maybe he’s been watching every human patiently like a player at a chessboard of pawns and he’s nudging his pieces across the lines I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so low I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so rough give it time give it time a few weeks will make the pain stop give it time you’ll be fine maybe there’s a cosmic paradise when we pass from our bodies and are nothing but souls and we’ll hold an account for all we’ve done wrong maybe there’s just comfort in knowing at the end of the day, you’re not the one in control and there’s been a master plan all along and I’m sorry, that I brought you so low I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so rough give it time give it time a few weeks will make the pain stop give it time you’ll be fine

about

I recorded these songs in my bedroom. they are for for my friends, family, and anyone who has ever felt any emotion at all, ever. thanks for listening!

credits

released July 12, 2016

all songs written & recorded by Paul Arend

mixed by Paul Arend at The Fly Shop in Redding, CA

mastered by Chris Greely

a big thanks to the following for love, support, borrowed time & borrowed gear:

Dan Mackenzie, Peter Mattis, John-Paul Gentile, Jaron Schamuhn, Weston Clark, Chris Greely, Mercedes Tabish, Austin Schwichtenberg, Elisa Orta, Shane Tiller, Michael Davis, Luke Hendrickson, JD Hudson, and Hunter Thompson

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all rights reserved

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about

Paul Arend Redding, California

my music is a deeply personal test in pushing past the constraints of familiarity. it reflects my progression of personal development and discovery of self.
the content here should not be viewed as individual pieces, but rather chapters that contribute to a broader work.
I sincerely hope it inspires you to push past what you know, to truly find yourself.

contact: paulchristopherarend@gmail.com
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